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Click here. Rabbi Karp's Sermons ... YOM KIPPUR YIZKOR 2007 I JUST SAW HIM As a rabbi, death is very much a part of my life. Many are the families whom I have been privileged to console and assist in times of grief and mourning. Even more are the friends of those families with whom I have commiserated as our hearts have gone out to those for whom we care, as they have been forced to endure their losses. Having experienced so many funerals and all that goes with them for the last 32 years, it probably won’t surprise you when I say that I have been able to identify certain recurring patterns in the responses of people to the passing of family and friends. But they are there. That is not to say that people’s reactions to every loss, every funeral, are the same, for each loss is personal and individual. As each person is unique, so are there unique aspects to how people respond to their passing. But still, depending upon the circumstances of the person’s death, it is remarkable how there are sets of standard responses that you can hear - not usually from the mourners themselves, but from so many of those who knew and cared about the deceased. When you think about it, these standard responses are very telling in and of themselves for they can be somewhat of a reflection on how we in our society approach death or perhaps refuse to approach death. In fact, they can even be somewhat of a reflection on how we approach life and our relationships with the living. One of the most revealing of these recurring responses is one that is often heard when either the death, or the onset of death, is rather sudden; when one day the deceased is out and about, living his or her life, and the next day they are either gone or laying in a hospital, near death. It is in such instances that we often hear people say, “I just saw him! I just saw her!” Their shock, indeed their terror, when confronted with the immediacy of death is palpable. We prefer to think of death as a slow process which generally does not touch us until ripe old age; as a fading away rather than as a leap into our next realm of existence. But then there are those among us, those we care about, who, instead of fading make that leap. And it leaves us shocked, numb, and vulnerable. Yet logic tells us that as long as there is life, death is likewise our constant companion. Yes, we could gently flow through the seasons of our lives, from the budding of our Spring to the depths of our Winter. Yet every once in a while there is an early freeze, as the grass suddenly turns brown and the leaves fall, as if all at once, from the trees. There are no guarantees save one; that someday death will come for us. Still, we are surprised when death’s timing is not our own, and in our shock we exclaim, “I just saw him! I just saw her!” as if some contract or some trust had been violated and betrayed. Perhaps some of the fault lies with us, for we choose to believe in the assurance of countless tomorrows, as if they are our birthright. We choose to believe that we always have more time; that time is our ally and not out adversary. We say, “I just saw him! I just saw her!” but what we mean is, “I fully expected to see him, to see her, again, and again, and again, but I have been cheated.” We have not been cheated, Rather, we have been blessed. Blessed, not by our loss, but rather by all that preceded it. Our blessing comes from what we had, and not from what we could have had or should have had. For there are no guarantees in our lives, beyond this very moment. Every past moment is a blessing. Every future moment is a gift. And if we bear any fault, it is that we have failed to grasp that truth in our lives. We failed to cherish the moments we had - to savor them - because we deceived ourselves into believing that countless were the moments ahead of us. We failed to appreciate how precious each moment was because we chose to transform our wishes for the long life of our loved ones into our expectations. We gather here this afternoon, enfolded in our memories of our loved ones now gone. We feel most keenly both the pain of their loss and the warmth of their love. And some of us may yet feel anger and resentment at their leave taking. But now is the time to choose to count our blessings. For now is the time to thank God for every single moment we shared in their company. Now is the time for us to resolve to ponder the memories of those moments; to turn them around in our minds and examine them carefully, so that we can better understand and appreciate the finer qualities of the gifts that they were. If at the time, we permitted those moments to pass by unnoticed or devalued, we can regret that but we cannot undo that. Nor do we have to. We can rest assured that our loved ones loved us full well, and hadn’t the slightest doubt but that we loved them, even if we did not always show it or say it or live it. They knew. They never doubted, even at those times when voices may have been raised and tempers short. Even as we resolve to ponder the memories of the moments we spent with loved ones now gone, cherishing them for the blessing that they were, those memories call upon us to do something else as well. They call upon us to stop taking for granted the moments we share with loved ones still with us. They call upon us to stop expecting tomorrow, and in such expectation, squander today. For today may be all that we have. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. “If only I had known!” Another of those recurring responses. “If only I had known that there was to be no tomorrow for us, perhaps today would have been different.” Yet we are not condemned to live with regret. We can choose a different path. We can choose to live as if there is no tomorrow; as if today is all we have. Why must we wait to pour out our hearts at the bedside of the dying or the dead when we can share with them all that love while they yet live? If the memory of those we memorialize today can move us to better cherish the ones with we whom we share our lives, then our beloved dead still live and still love, as is they were standing beside us, arms wrapped around our waists, lips to our ears, whispering words of encouragement and affection. AMEN |
